Kellie and how she was with the loss of my babys!

I remember when I gave birth to my first daughter I was so happy to have her. Any one who knows me knows she is my world. I love her very much. but I can remember when I was pregnant with Samantha she would talk to my belly and tell he I am you big sister. I loved it so sweet. When I went in to have Sam Kellie was with her grand parents for the day they went shopping in Fort Wayne. All i wanted was Kellie when Sam had passed. When she got the she had no clue what was going on she was only two. To have to tell a two year old the sister was not coming home was no easy. She still did not understand what was going on. We went through the viewing and funeral with her there. I loved it when I would hear her Laughing it helped me so much. She would take people up to Sam and tell them that is my baby sister and she is with Jesus. I would cry and she would Say" Mommy don't cry I love you!" I would cry more. We thought she understood But she did not.We had to go back to the hospital to sign the Samantha's birth certificate and we had Kellie with us.We went in and she was fine we did what we needed to do and went out the door. Just as we did Kellie started to scream she scared the crap out of me! i ask her what was wrong and she said that I needed to go back in there and get her sister. Then I lost it and started to cry. So we had to explain to her that Sam was not at there she was with Jesus in Heaven. So we ended up at the cemetery with her that day and that helped her a little bit it took a long time for to under stand!
             Well with William, Kellie was older she was five. She kept saying she did not want a brother. So when I lost William she cried and kept saying it was her fault because she had said that. Trying to tell a five year that she had nothing to do with it was very hard. But Kellie is smart and she understood after a while.
             So when someone you know losses a baby think about the other kids in the family to. They need as much love as Mom and Dad do!

Oh Mother, My mother

~Oh Mother, my mother~

Oh Mother, my mother

I touch your tears

invisible fingers

soothing your skin

I know you think of me so often

in the day, in the night,

in your dreams

going into an empty nursery

knowing I'll never be there

but I am...in your heart

in your soul, I shall always be

for you gave so unselfishly

of yourself

Inside of you, you created

such a world for me

a world of laughter, of love

of sadness, of sorrow

every emotion people come to know

you shared with me

And even though I may never

feel your arms around me

I felt your heart beating,

like a lullaby, singing me to sleep

and your spirit giving me a safe haven

already protecting me

nurturing me

preparing me of things to come.

But sometimes the journey

of life pulls souls apart

and yes, I had to go on

to another place.

I wish I could stay

I wish this was a decision

I could make

and I know you do too.

Know this wherever you are:

I will always remember

that yours was the first love

the first joy, the first soul

I will ever know

you gave me the courage to

go on in my journey

I hope I can do the same

for you

Your heart beat will always

call me to you.

Love, your child